Hallelujah
by DictionGoddess
Summary: Carly and Jason, May 2002-- There was something about her, something about them, he could never quite explain.


Hallelujah

By novocaine

Disclaimer: Not mine. They are ABC's and Guza's and whoever else runs General Hospital. If they ever figure out what a good job I'd doÉwell, at least I can play with Carly and Jason for my non-profit enjoyment.

Song is by Rufus Wainwright, originally by Leonard Cohen. 

_I've heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played and it pleased the Lord_

_But you don't really care for music do you?_

He wasn't sure how he ended up there. There was something about her, something about them, he could never quite explain. It's possible there aren't words for it. He was driving, heading towards home for the first time in a long time, and there was a car plunging over the edge of a cliff. 

_It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth_

_The minor fall, the major lift_

_The baffled King composing Hallelujah_

He doesn't remember getting down to the water, or swimming to the bottom. He just remembers her, Carly, his Carly, with blue lips and tangled hair. He pulls her out and puts her on the dirty ground and breathes life into her defeated body. Finally she coughs and spews out the excess fluid in her lungs, and looks him in the eye. 

"Jason," she says breathlessly. He thinks it was then he fell in love with her all over again.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof_

_You saw her bathing on the roof_

_Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you_

He helps her off the ground and leads her to the nearest cabin. The locks are very easy to pick. She goes into a bedroom while he sits near the fireplace, using a pack of matches to create a warm environment. It might be easier if she stays in there and he doesn't see her again- she's with Sonny now, and he's with no one. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't hear her enter the room, doesn't realize she was there until he hears the click of the door. Pale moonlight shines through the door and he follows it until he finds her, sitting on the edge of the lake, eyes shining with tears. She wears nothing but a sheet pulled from a bed wrapped around her like a dress. It was only six years ago when she dressed in a towel to seduce him. He wonders how they could have changed since then, because she looks the same and he wants her just as much as before.

_She tied you to a kitchen chair_

_She broke your throne, and she cut your hair_

_And from your lips she drew the hallelujah_

When she realizes he's there she stands and smiles. He tries not to look at her, tries not to think what's underneath the sheet. She walks to him and grabs his hand, leading him back indoors. They go into the kitchen, where she sits him down and puts a towel on his neck. He wants to ask her why she's upset (he always knows) and what he can do to fix it and why she won't speak, but only a muffled groan comes out when she brandishes a pair of scissors. 

She grins a bit wider and whispers, "it's for your own good" before chopping off his long stringy locks. It takes her about fifteen minutes, and he catches her staring before she bothers to wipe off his neck. 

"How does it look?" he asks. 

She brushes a kiss on his lips before she replies, "like Jason Morgan.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Maybe I've been here before_

_I know this room, I've walked this floor_

_I used to live alone before I knew you_

It's not long after when she retreats to the bedroom again, and he runs his fingers through his freshly cut hair. He remembers how she changed his life, by giving him freedom (in a room above Jake's), teaching him about friendship (a keychain and a shoulder to cry on), and making him a father (not his biologically, but in every way that counted). He thinks she made everything better.

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch_

Love is not a victory march 

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

Then he remembers how she ruined his life, by marrying his brother (but I did it for us, she said), by sleeping with his best friend (I was angry and it didn't mean anything, she said), by falling in love with said best friend (he helped me through the loss of the baby, she said). He thinks he'd do everything over again if he could see her walk back into the room and smile at him again. He thinks she might be worth it.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_There was a time when you let me know_

_What's real and going on below_

_But now you never show it to me, do you?_

Soon she does enter, in her reasonably dry clothing, and sits next to him. The fire dances on her face and he sees she's been crying. 

"Why won't you tell me what's going on, Carly? Why are you here, without Sonny, without Michael? 

She shakes her head and clears her throat. "I remember when Jason Morgan didn't ask questions, when he wouldn't tell me his name and took me to his room. Things were simple then. She kisses him again, harder this time, her tongue pushing until he lets it tangle with his own, and then stops. "Make it simple again, Jason.

_And remember when I moved in you_

_The Holy Dark was moving too_

_And every breath we drew was hallelujah_

It goes against his better judgment but he kisses her and this time there's no end. It's just him and just her and just like all those nights at Jake's. Their clothes are flying, their lips frantically pressed against every surface of skin they can find, and soon they're making love in front of the fireplace. They still fit together after all these years, two becoming one in effortless pleasure. It's sweet and violent and desperate and gentle, and he is afraid that when it ends it'll be the end of them.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Maybe there's a God above_

_And all I ever learned from love_

_Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_

They end up falling asleep afterward; her naked body draped across his chest, her head nestled in his neck. He thinks it's wonderful and perfect, and he closes his eyes wishing he could dream so he could see it forever. Maybe, he thinks, they could run away together. He could take her to England and France, and she could spend all his money and laugh at his attempts to use another language. He'd let her do whatever she wanted and go wherever she felt like going. There was nothing for them in Port CharlesÉexcept Michael. He was Sonny's son now, not his. Maybe he could shoot Sonny and He stops thinking then, because he realizes he doesn't always think rationally when it comes to Carly, that she and Sonny didn't mean to fall in love and break his heart, and that he shouldn't let the situation get personal. He should let her go.

_And it's not a cry you can hear at night_

_It's not somebody who's seen the light_

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

He's been awake for at least an hour when she stirs the next morning. She rolls off of him before she starts to sob, huge sobs that wrack her body and leave her shaking. He strokes her back and whispers Ôshh' in her ear but it feels like forever before she stops and looks at him. 

"What's wrong Carly?" he asks, afraid of the answer. She takes a breath and runs her hand through her hair. 

"Sonny doesn't love me anymore, Jason. I screwed up and he found Alexis and he made love to her in our bed. And I ran away, I was so upset and out of control. But now I think I never loved Sonny at all. She bites her lip and strokes the wedding ring on her finger. He is surprised to see the ones he slipped on her hand so long ago. "I think I love you, that I've always loved you, but I've never deserved you so I made myself ruin it over and over and now we can never get it back. But it felt the same, it feels so right, but I'll just screw it up again and I

"Shut up" he says, and she stares at him. "Just let me hold you. She nods her head and curls up in his arms, and he kisses the top of her head. 

He wasn't sure how they ended up there. There was something about her, something about them, he could never explain.

He thinks now that he doesn't have to, as long as she understands.

He thinks maybe this time will work.

He thinks maybe, just maybe, this time love can be enough.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah___


End file.
